The Xmen Present: King GrislyBeard
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of King Grisly-Beard, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **

_King Grisly-Beard_ was requested by no one. I had actually intended to write _Thumbelina_ this month, but I've been so pre-occupied with _Hatred is for the Weak_, that I couldn't concentrate on it and decided to go with something simpler.

On a related note, I've decided to drop my "once a month" schedule and return to my "at my whim" schedule. I started writing these stories as a way to give my brain a break from my chapter fics. Unfortunately, keeping it up has started to feel like a chore, which defeats the purpose (at least from my perspective).

Enjoy!

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><p>The great King Charles had a beautiful daughter, Princess Jean. Unfortunately, Princess Jean was vain and proud, and although many suitors came to court her, she spurned them all and made fun of them.<p>

Once day King Charles decided to hold a feast and invited many princes, dukes and earls. When Princess Jean arrive she went right down the line and made fun of each one as she passed.

"He's as round as a tub," she said, pointing to Duke Fred.

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><p>"Hey," Fred objected.<p>

"Nah," said Toad. "You can't even fit in the tub."

"This is not cool," Jean grumbled.

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><p>"And look at all that fur, and those pointy ears," Princess Jean said, pointing to Earl Kurt. "He looked like a fuzzy blue elf."<p>

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><p>Kurt snickered.<p>

"Hey," Kitty said. "That's my nickname for Kurt."

"Which we've adopted," said Logan.

"I actually kind of like it," said Kurt.

"Good to know," said Kitty.

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><p>"He looks like a cyclops," Princess Jean said, smirking at Prince Scott.<p>

She walked down a little further down and snickered at Prince Remy.

"And he looks like a white devil," she said.

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><p>"Is this some sort of poor reference to Le Diable Blanc?" Gambit asked.<p>

"I'm just trying to figure out why I should be upset by being called Cyclops," said Scott.

"Wait, Gambit gets the devil comment, but I don't?" asked Kurt.

**Yes, you shouldn't, and Jean can't see your tail 'cause you're sitting down.**

"Good to know you've got this all figured out," Gambit said.

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><p>Finally, Princess Jean got to the last guest -<p>

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><p>"Wait a second," said Lance. "That's it? Fred, Gambit, Scott and Kurt? What about the rest of us?"<p>

**Excuse me?**

"Yeah," said Toad. "We wanna be princes and dukes and earls too."

**You realise this means that you'll be made fun of by Jean.**

"Psh," Pietro snorted. "There was nothing insulting about any of those insults. Fred over here even calls himself Blob, so somehow I don't really think he's insulted about being compared to a tub."

**Okay, but just remember, you asked for it.**

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><p>"His hair is too white, he looks like an old man," Princess Jean said, pointing at Earl Pietro and then at Duke Lance: "And he has a mullet. Need I say more?"<p>

She walked down a little further and a nasty smell hit her nose.

"Phew," Princess Jean said, waving her hand in front of the face and gesturing to Prince Todd. "Who let the Lord of the Flies in?"

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><p>Pietro pointed at Magneto. "His fault!"<p>

"What's wrong with my hair?" Lance asked, putting his hands protectively over his hair.

"Lord of the Flies," Toad said. "Heh, that's funny."

"Wait," said Jean. "Are you telling me you actually get that?"

Toad sighed. "Now she's insulting my intelligence for real. I know about the book. I haven't read it, but I know about it."

"Me next!" shouted Pyro. "Pick me!"

**Any other takers? No? Okay then.**

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><p>"Carrot-top!" Princess Jean proclaimed as she walked past Prince John.<p>

Finally, Princess Jean got to the last guest, King Logan.

"Look at him," she said. "His beard is like an old mop! It's King Grisly-Beard."

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><p>"My beard is not that big," said Logan as everyone eyed him off nervously.<p>

**Name one person in this show with more facial hair than you.**

"Hank."

**Uhh... that was badly phrased. Name one person in this show with a bigger beard than you.**

Logan was silent.

**Ha! You can't, can you? Bwahaha. Now, where was I?**

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><p>King Charles was very angry with the way that Princess Jean had treated his guests, and vowed that she would marry the first beggar to knock at his door.<p>

Now it happened a couple of days later that a travelling musician came by to sing outside. When King Charles heard him, he invited him inside to sing for everyone.

"You have sung so well," said King Charles, "that it pleases me to give you my daughter's hand in marriage."

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><p>Everyone looked at Rogue.<p>

"What?" she asked.

"Well?" Jean asked. "You're not going to complain about women being told who to marry?"

"Actually it's the musician I feel sorry for," Rogue replied. "Chellerbelle? Are you sure the Professor is the King and not Remy? Because deceiving innocent people seems right up his alley."

Gambit blew raspberries at her.

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><p>The musician accepted, and so it was that despite her protests, the princess and the musician were married.<p>

After the wedding, the two departed. In a short time, they arrived at a forest.

"Tell me," said Princess Jean. "Who does this forest belong to?"

"King Logan," the musician replied.

Princess Jean sighed, wishing then she had actually married King Logan instead of calling him "King Grisly-Beard".

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><p>"Are you going to keep calling the musician 'the musician'?" asked Kitty.<p>

**I suppose I could give him a name. What about James?**

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><p>Next James and Jean came to some fine meadows, and Jean asked her new husband who they belonged to.<p>

"King Logan," James replied.

Jean sighed again, once more wishing she had married King Logan when she had a chance.

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><p>"I noticed you dropped the 'Princess'," said Kitty.<p>

"Well, technically, since she's married a beggar, she's not a princess any more," said Rogue, nodding. "Something about not being allowed to marry below their station. Some stupid crap like that."

**I just thought 'James and Jean' sounded better than 'James and Princess Jean'.**

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><p>Then they came to a big city, and once more Jean enquired who it belonged to.<p>

"King Logan," James replied.

"Ahh," Jean said. "Why didn't I marry him when I had the chance."

"Why should you wish for another husband?" asked James. "Am I not good enough for you?"

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><p>"The opposite, actually," said Wanda. "She's not good enough for you."<p>

"Thanks a lot," said Jean.

"Hey, you're the own who was acting like a spoiled brat."

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><p>Finally they came to a cottage.<p>

"Who does this dirty shack belong to?" Jean asked.

"You and I," James replied. "This is our home."

"Where our are servants?"

"We have none. You must do for yourself what you want done."

James, however, soon found that his new wife was really quite useless. She didn't know how to cook or clean. He tried to teach her how to weave baskets to sell, but her fingers only ended up sore and bleeding from the unfamiliar work.

James then had Jean go into town every day and got her to sell pots and pans at the market. At first everything went quite well, for many wanted to do business with such a beautiful woman. Unfortunately, one day a drunken soldier on a horse came by, and rode against her stall, knocking everything down tot he ground and smashing it. When Jean told James what happened he scolded her for selling earthenware in the corner of the market where everyone passes.

Finally, James got Jean a job in the kitchen at the palace. There, Jean was stuck having to do all the dirtiest work. When there was leftovers, she was allowed to take them home.

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><p>"Hmm," Gambit said thoughtfully, looking at Jean.<p>

"What?" asked Rogue.

"I'm trying to picture Jean in a French Maid outfit."

"Hey!" Rogue and Jean objected in unison.

"She just doesn't do it justice the way you do, ma chère," Gambit said, taking Rogue's hand.

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><p>Now it happened soon after Jean began working at the palace that she heard the news that King Logan was to be married. One day she spied King Logan in the courtyard with his courtiers and servants all celebrating together. The sight made her quite sad, for she remembered when she would have been part of such an event.<p>

Her work done for the day, Jean filled a basket with leftovers and began to make her way back home. Now in order to leave the palace she had to go through the courtyard, and although she attempted to keep out of sight, it happened that King Logan spotted her.

"Such a beautiful woman," he said. "You must dance with me."

Although Jean tried to evade him, King Logan succeeded in taking her out onto the middle of the courtyard. However, during the journey, the lid of her basket came off and all the food fell out around her.

Everyone laughed, and Jean wished that the ground would open up and swallow her.

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><p>"I can arrange that if you want," said Lance.<p>

"I'll pass," said Jean.

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><p>Jean attempted to run off, but King Logan caught her and pulled her aside.<p>

"Fear not," he said. "I'm the musician, James, that you've been living with in the hut. I'm also the soldier that tipped over your stall. I did all of this to cure you of your pride and to punish you for your bad treatment of myself and others. Now it's all over, and you have learned better."

Servants lead Jean away, where she cleaned up and changed into a beautiful gown. When she returned to the feast, she discovered that her father, King Charles, was also there, and all congratulated her on her marriage.

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><p><strong>The end.<strong>

"I had a feeling Logan was going to turn out to be the musician, even before you named him James," said Kitty.

"Hang on," said Scott. "How come Logan's paired up with Jean? Why not me?"

"I just don't think you'd make a beautiful princess, Scott," Gambit said.

"That's not what I meant."

**This just seemed more like a Logan/Jean story rather than a Scott/Jean or a Logan/Storm story.**

"So, Logan," said Rogue. "I didn't realise you could sing."

"Chellerbelle's just getting me mixed up with that Hugh Jackman guy," Logan replied.


End file.
